Day 192: Work-Life Balance, and Other Myths

A photo has gone viral (what an unfortunate turn of phrase in a pandemic) of Gretchen Goldman being interviewed on CNN paired with a photo of where she was sitting while she was doing this interview. Check it out on NPR's website here. It resonated with me as well as for millions of people around the world trying to work from home with children. This was in the NPR piece:

"It's resonating with people," she says. "Parents are being put in an impossible situation now working from home while managing the emotional and physical safety of their children — and it's laughably infeasible to do that."

Goldman said she's lucky to be able to work from home. But at the same time, she says, "It is absolutely exhausting to both work and care for children all day. You feeling like you failing at both and I've just really been amazed to see how many people really feel this struggle."

You feel like you are failing at both. Oof. That one hit home. I have felt this so many times in the past 192 days. I am both glad and sorry I am not alone. It's reassuring that others are realizing the situation is untenable, but it's terrible so many of us are in this struggle.

Today, though, I had a little break from this reality. I was able to go to the office for the first time in months, leaving Jeremy behind with the kids. I was teaching an online workshop on soil health at 5 p.m. and needed to be somewhere with good, reliable internet. I spent the morning playing with the kids and helping William with some schoolwork. Then at eleven o'clock I packed up my laptop and a trunkful of recycling and headed north. 

On the drive I listened to an episode of the podcast Contemplify. I've only listened to one or two episodes of it. It was an interesting interview, but the interviewee made a statement I have been turning over in my head since I heard it. They were talking about living an intentional life, and he stated that there are people who do live intentionally and people who don't. And as one who tries to live intentionally, I recognized this assessment of my fellow creatures. I've definitely had the thought that there are people out there who just mindlessly go through life buying the latest fashion and not worrying about their place in the universe. "Sheeple," we call them, disdainfully judging their complacence. But, isn't that kind of an arrogant thing to think? Maybe their intentions are just not our intentions. Who are we to think we know what goes on in their lives, really? I've been chewing on this thought since I heard it. It didn't sit well with me. 

At the office I expected to be alone since most of us have been working from home, but happily, my coworker Guy was there! Guy is an orchardist and nurseryman, as well as a singer-songwriter, a former English and history teacher, and generally an all-around fun and good human being. We were so happy to be able to sit down and talk with each other that I spent the first hour of my precious office time talking with him about life, books, movies, school, songs, mortality, and the plight of the world. I have missed our conversations!

Then I settled in at my desk and got to work, going through my presentation and making notes of things I needed to remember to say. The contrast between working in the office and working from home was stark. It was quiet, I was never interrupted, I was able to focus, and I had good internet. I foresee a productivity boom sometime in our future when kids return to school and people return to their offices and realize how much easier it is to get things done there. 

My soil health presentation went well, with around 90 people in attendance. If you want to see it, it was recorded and will be on NCAT's YouTube channel. I am not sure I can re-watch it, though. It's always terrible seeing yourself on video. 

After my presentation I headed home, driving as it got dark, listening to Jason Isbell. His album The Nashville Sound is a favorite. When I got home, the kids ran out shrieking, they were so excited to see me. They had just finished watching Charlotte's Web, and they both said they got choked up at the end. I always do, too. I had gotten there in time to read them stories (Taiya is onto The Last Battle, the final Narnia book) and then get them to bed. William could not settle down and kept talking, and Taiya kept shushing him, and he kept talking and she kept shushing. This is a small sample of our conversation:

"Mama, we need to get skewers."
"What? Why?"
"For crafting!"
"William, go to sleep!"
"And we need a hot glue gun."
"Oh my goodness, we can talk about this in the morning!"
From the top bunk: "SHHHHHHH!!!!"
"Mama, ask me something you don't know the answer to."
"Okay. What was your favorite part of today?"
"You."

And then my heartfire grew like someone was gently blowing on the kindling. I guess I'm not failing too badly at either work or parenting. At least not today. That's a nice feeling to have while it lasts.